Let's go back to Mumford & Sons, shall we?

Let's start with the video while you read the lyrics.  Please, please, please read the lyrics while you listen.  While the music is phenomenal, (duh, it's Mumford and Sons) the words will bring life to your soul.

I Will Wait

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of darkness
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'm a worship leader, right?  I can totally see this song being a worship song.  I mean, add the word God or Jesus here and there, and you have the making of a worship song.  I'm not trying to be one of those crazies that turns anything into something theological.  (Frankly I'm just not that smart.)  But I have spent many years with Jay Pathak, started a church with him, and know that Marcus Mumford interned with him for quite some time.  There is absolutely NO WAY you can spend ANY amount of time with Jay and not fall deeply in love with the Lord Jesus Christ.  But also be convinced that Jesus is REAL, ALIVE, and WORKING IN OUR LIVES THIS VERY DAY.  So with that very minimal information on Marcus, it is easy to conclude that this song is about coming back to the Lord with such heavy burdens, falling before Him in utter surrender, and waiting for Him to bring forth whatever He has for you.

Now, I could be totally off base here, but I just don't think I am.  And if I am, f*ck it.  Because it speaks to me, and is reaching a deep place in my soul that desperately needs a touch from the Lord...the only source of TRUE life.

In a recent post I shared with you about some mental health issues I'm struggling with.  And if we're all perfectly honest, don't we sugar coat those sorts of things when it comes to publicly sharing them?  Of course we do.  But there's no sugar-coating with the Lord.  He knows.  He knows it all.  He knows the depths of my shame.  He knows the depths of the empty vessels in my heart that I try to fill with things other than Him.  He knows I want it all to go away and have no f*cking clue how to get it to go away.  He knows I don't want to be on the phone another minute with the insurance company or with a doctor's office.  He knows I want a pill that makes it all go away.  He knows there's no such thing.  He knows.

And so what's a girl to do?

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of darkness
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

These words are not about coming back to a lover's arms, or waiting for that someone special to return.  I have a lover.  I have a family.  While they are wonderful, they will never be enough and never supply what I truly need.  That will ONLY ever come from Jesus.  So why am I looking elsewhere?  Why is it so hard to kneel down?  Why is it so hard to slow my heart?  Why is it so hard to know my place?  Why is it so hard to tame my flesh?  Why is it so hard to wait?  To just WAIT.  For You, Lord?

But I will say this.

Thank you Lord.

You forgave.  And I will not forget.

Better yet?

You will always forgive.  It never ends.  Ever.  Your love knows no bounds.

So thank you Marcus Mumford for your lyrics that reach my soul.  The Lord uses you in powerful ways.  I wish I could go back to my friend Kate's house in February of 2005 where I first met you before all your fame, give you a hug, and tell you that one day your words will be a powerful tool to point me toward Jesus.