Sharing my heart. Part 3

Since this is part 3, you'll want to start with the other posts if you haven't read them yet. Here are quick links to them both:

Sharing my heart

Sharing my heart part 2


Picking up where I left off...


I am laying down leading worship. I'd say "for now", but I'm doing it with the attitude that it very well could be a permanent thing. I don't necessarily think it will be forever, but I want to wholeheartedly trust God in this and His timing is not my timing. It's not my place to try and "guess" what the Lord has in store...its my place to submit.


As I've attempted to express, you can imagine that this has been a very difficult "submission" for me. Anyone who has been called by the Lord to do something, then gets asked to lay it down would say its a confusing and difficult thing to face! So of course, I headed to my pastor's office for a little one on one since I was pretty bitter and frustrated. How do I even begin to process this and walk it out?


So after talking to Danny (my pastor), spending time in prayer and listening to the Lord, and reading a book on this subject, I feel as though I've got a much better grasp on what is going on here. And to be honest...I'm a little bit excited for what's in store.


As followers of Jesus, we commit to submitting our lives and...duh...following Jesus! And I feel as though He is asking me to lay this down to a) see if I will, and b) do a deep work in me on many different levels. It's in times like these that God can do the most, and builds character in us that we didn't have before. It certainly isn't an instantaneous process. Leaders who walk through times like these fully submitted but eagerly seeking God's heart develop a quiet influence and depth that others don't have. I personally find it much easier to follow a person in leadership who is like that...who wants to follow a hoity-toity know-it-all that lacks these things? Leaders who are willing to lay it all down shows that they not only wholeheartedly trust the Lord, they are in it for following Jesus and nothing else. Isn't that exactly what Jesus asked of His disciples?


Since finally letting go of the death grip I had on worship leading, I have felt a peace that I haven't experienced in quite some time. I am beyond certain that God has some major things to deposit into my heart. I also think there are some things He needs to flush out of my heart.


I mentioned before in one of my other posts about this is that I am not going to "limit" God by putting any expectations on this time of what I think He should do. I do want to keep my heart in a constant state of submission, even amongst the CHAOS I already have in my home, and will continue to have with 3 little boys ages 4 and under. But I'm pretty sure whatever the Lord is going to do, its going to make me a more loving wife, a more nurturing mother, and a more humble worship leader. He calls us into these times of submission to come back WAY better and different than we were before. I want to be the kind of person that bows down low, so He can be raised up high.


If God has me go back into worship leading, I expect that things will look fairly differently. Not that I'll come back as a better musician, because I can almost guarantee you I won't be practicing much in the coming months!! But that my heart will be changed. And when I'm on stage worshiping there will be a difference somehow. That my heart will be even more humble. That my joy will be more palpable. That my love for Jesus will be more contagious. All because I am sacrificing what I love now, so He can do whatever it is He wants to do. I'm in it to follow Jesus.