Our bodies were made to do this

This is the only picture we have of my face during labor and delivery. This does not even come CLOSE to showing the pain, fear, anxiety and total chaos I was feeling. Jon must have snapped it between the screams. :)


So I'd like to write out my L&D story while its still fresh in my mind. Despite it being the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced, I DO want to remember it. Don't feel obligated to read, lol!


Let me preface by saying I am an epidural girl all the way. Had epidurals for my 1st two kids and LOVED it. For me, both my epidurals worked great, which made for easy and fairly painless L&D's. They were stress-free and enjoyable. I have NEVER had plans to even ATTEMPT natural childbirth, and was fully planning on getting an epidural this time around as well.


I woke up on Thursday morning at 4:13am KNOWING this was it. Contractions were about 5 minutes apart for about 15 minutes, then they JUMPED into high gear to every 2 minutes. My inlaws were on their way over when the pain of these contractions were like NOTHING I've ever known. We actually ended up leaving the house about 10 minutes before they got there, kids in bed asleep and all, because I COULD NOT WAIT another minute. (and we're awesome parents like that...omg I can't believe we did that!) The car ride felt like 3 hours, but was only about 30 minutes. Contractions were every minute and a half...and the closer they got together the louder my yelling.


We got to the hospital where we left our car at valet, hopped in a wheelchair, and Jon RAN me up to labor and delivery. First words out of my mouth were, "I NEED AN EPIDURAL!!" They rushed me into the room and asked me a few questions where I could barely answer. My answers were yells because the pain was unbearable. And I kept yelling that I needed an epidural. The on-call doctor, Dr. Christopher Copeland, came in and did his best to calm me down and get me to breathe. Jon and the nurse stripped off my clothes and shoes, put a gown on me, and soon enough I was laying on the bed. The nurse checked me and announced to the doctor, "She's a 9 with a bulging bag." In other words, my water was about to burst and I was about ready to push. I go, "I can't get an epidural can I?" She was trying to let me down easy by saying, "Probably not". That's when the cussing started, lol! I just kept saying "sh*t!" over and over again. This was NOT good.


On a side note, I think if you plan for a natural birth, it makes things much easier. At least I would THINK. The whole time I kept having to say to myself, "Ok, my body CAN do this. It was made to do this. I CAN birth this baby and I am NOT dying, despite how I feel!" But it had been years since I took the birthing class or read in detail exactly what your body is doing and when. Plus, the speed of everything was totally unexpected. I had no time to process it or come to terms with it, I just had to DO IT.


Here's the other half of the above picture. Thought I'd spare you all the "stuff". But look how cool, calm and collected Dr. Copeland looks! All while I'm up there screaming at the top of my lungs!


So I'm laying there, coming to terms that I'm about to do this all natural. Dr. Copeland broke my water, I instantly become a 10, and we're ready to get the show on the road. At the next contraction, they instruct me to push and how to do it. The first couple of pushing sessions weren't really producing results. So then he asked me how big my other babies were and I yelled out the numbers and asked him how big he thought this guy was. I assumed he was assessing that I was about to birth a HUGE baby so that scared me even more! So I continue pushing through contractions, and they told me to try to do a sit-up over my baby, how to push, how to breathe, etc. The nurses were AWESOME. In the midst of what was the most chaotic moment in my life, I was really able to hone in on their instructions to get this baby out!


Then came the episiotome. Oh Lord. 'Nuff said.


Obviously they do that at the very end, thank you Jesus, because the pain when pushing was UNREAL. I think that's when the screaming turned to shrieking. But I think it was only 2 more sessions of pushing and then he was OUT! 6:18 am, just 2 hours after I woke up knowing I was in labor. It was a relief to have him out and be done with the contractions and pushing part, but oh my goodness I was still in SO much pain. Kinda felt like a bomb went off "down there"! LOL!


I pretty much kept my eyes closed the whole time, and continued to keep them closed. The pain was so intense still, I couldn't even LOOK at Desmond yet. It was at least 20 minutes before I started to snap out of the SHOCK I was experiencing over what had just happened! Then I was finally able to come back to reality a bit and realize that I just had my baby! I saw his little toes sticking out of the little warmer area he was in...so sweet! That got me through Dr. Copeland stitching me up, getting the placenta out, etc.


Then it was all down-hill from there. :) Phew.


They weighed him, and my response was, "Oh my word I can't believe I just birthed an 8lb. baby without any drugs"...






















Then I finally got to HOLD him. I was still feeling quite traumatized, but it was great to have the result of all my hard work finally in my arms! And he took to breastfeeding instantly, which makes me so happy. :) Here's us with Dr. Copeland...




















While I DO NOT recommend going without the epidural, there are some positives about it...I can kinda see now that I'm on the OTHER side of it! I actually feel like bonding to Desmond has happened more quickly than with the other boys. Don't know if the natural labor had anything to do with it, but I've heard that from others, so I'm going with it. :) And besides the pain I experienced afterward, I felt much more "with it" for the 1st 24 hours than I did with an epidural. And, since I don't have to pay for the epidural, I will be treating myself to a very nice bottle of wine to celebrate my accomplishments! Once I can pump some more milk, and I'm off the narcotics, of course. :)


If I had it to do over again? I would DEFINITELY get the epidural! But 2 hours start to finish just didn't allow for it. So having to do it naturally, I am SO thankful it was only 2 hours! And the reward is indescribably wonderful!





















So all in all, the natural L&D has made me feel empowered as a woman. And being Desmond's mommy has made my life complete. :)